The Ashes of My Burning Relationship.

We had been together before, but I promised myself that I would never see you again for the rest of my life. You only brought me pain, you were controlling, and worst of all you brought me anxiety and uneasiness when we were apart. I was far too reliant on you. I needed you every day or I could not be myself. I told you I was done, for the rest of my life, never to return to you again. But sadly, I Failed. This last summer I was at a party, and we were both invited. I saw you, and wanted nothing more than to walk up to you and kiss you for two or three minutes. It happened, all it took was for you to touch my lips again, and I wanted nothing more than for you to be in my life once again. After that party we saw each other every day for ten months. Each day I would wake up next to you and we would take long walks together. You would meet me between classes and we would embrace for a few minutes and then be on our ways. We would go out every night to dinner, or to a party, and it was the same each time. You would comfort me, put me at ease, keep me relaxed, but if I lost sight of you for more than a couple hours, I would panic and run to find you. I was needy, I was reliant, I was hooked on everything you were about, and no one else could make me feel the way you did. My family hated that we were together, they did not support our relationship, and wanted nothing more than for me to cut my ties with you. I thought long and hard about my life without you, never seeing you, not holding you and feeling your comforting qualities. Never again would I kiss you sweetly, and never again would I have someone with me every day, all day. It was a difficult decision, but my family means more to me than my relationship. After all, friends and relationships come and go, but family is forever. I made my sister a promise that on her birthday I would break up with you, and that i would never speak to you again. It has been a month since I ended things, but I still go behind my friend's and family's backs to see you. I occasionally leave my dorm for a few minutes at night to run to your comforting kiss. There are times when I am somewhere that reminds me of you, so I call you to meet me, and we are together again, even if it's only for a minute. These temporary moments together help me through the difficult break up. I'm not sure how long it will last, my deeply routed connection to you, but I hope that one day I can stand on my own. I don't need you. I don't want you. You are not good for me, and every time I am with you I am only brought deeper and deeper into an addicting desire. We will be done for good someday, and that will be the best day of my life. Cigarettes. Fuck You!

"The World of Fashion...Far Beyond UW-Stout"

In March my friend and co-worker, JoDee Martin, traveled to Miami to work backstage at Miami Fashion Week 2010. JoDee is a Junior in the Retail Program here at UW-Stout, and could not pass up the opportunity to attend Miami Fashion Week. Throughout the week JoDee worked as a dresser, choreographer, and buying assistant, as well as performing many other tasks. JoDee attended three nights of fashion week, and in those three nights, had the chance to see many shows. She was able to work for shows such as the “Emerging East” showcase, which included immerging and up-and-coming designers from India. This showcase was closed with designer Jad Ghandour, who is a prestigious couture designer from India. One of his pieces was valued at $1.5 million, which was stitched with 24 karat gold thread, and included a diamond embellished gold shawl. JoDee worked backstage and learned many things by being “thrown into” the action. To end the week she attended the Miami Fashion Week finale by designer Sylvia Tcherassi, which was an exciting close to a fantastic week. I asked JoDee a few questions about her first official Miami Fashion Week experience, and these were her responses:

T. O’B: “Did your experience at Miami Fashion Week fulfill your expectations? What was different from what you thought it would be?”
J.M: “ It was a lot different from what I had originally thought. The week was much more hectic than I had predicted, and some aspects of the shows lacked the professional organization that I would have expected from an international fashion week. I thought it would be a little more glamorous being a backstage assistant, but didn’t realize the extensive amount of work that goes into putting on a fashion show of this scale.”
T. O’B: “What was your most memorable experience from the week?”
J.M: “ I was able to work with a designer named Deepak Prwany from Pakisan. He showed his line during Milan Fashion Week, and received a standing ovation. It was amazing to work with someone that is so well known, especially for being fairly new to the industry. He also won an award at Miami Fashion Week for “Best Male Designer” from the “Immerging East” showcase. The day of the Deepak Prwany show, I was no longer needed backstage. As I was leaving Deepak himself stopped me and told me that he wanted me to stay to help with his show. He then went backstage and told the director of the show that he wanted me to stay and be a part of his stage crew. It was an amazing feeling for a the designer to personally remember me and want me to be a part of his crew.”
T. O’B: “ How has this experience benefited your education as well as your future career in the industry”
J.M:” It was important for me to get a different view of the industry, other than the business side that Stout tends to focus on. I was given a glimpse of the “fashion” side of the industry that will be a huge benefit to me in my future career. I feel that a lot of times Stout focuses on the number, or the business of fashion, and this experience reminded me why I am in the retail major, and more importantly, why I love fashion.”

It is great to see that even a small school like UW-Stout offers programs that bring Wisconsin students to Miami Fashion week, and gives them a look into the real and thriving industry of Fashion.

"JoDee got to dress Stacy Ann from America's Next Top Model"

" Jad Ghandour Wedding Gown"
"Sylvia Tcherassi Show"

"JoDee with Designer Deepak Prwany"

"The Little Blonde, Pastor's Daughter"

So Manawa, WI is where the story begins. I grew up in a small town of about 1,000 people, and the word hick doesn't even start to describe this tiny midwest town. First off, we don't even have a stop light. Second, tractors are as common on the roads as cars. Third, and last, Manawa is probably the least likely place to be the hometown of a developing young model. After all, in a town with one grocery store, three churches, six bars, and the title: "Home of Midwestern Rodeo" fashion is the LEAST regarded thing among its residents. People wear pajamas out on the town, to church, swimming, back to town, and to sleep at night, wake up, and repeat this cycle for as much as a week without the thought of laundering. Gross. Well anyways, St. Paul is the name of the Lutheran church in town, and when I was growing up it was home to a pastor named Kevin Arndt. Kevin was a pretty awesome guy. Him and his wife were very involved with the congregation, the private lutheran school in town, and the entire community as well. I was involved in the music for a Youth Service that was held at St. Paul Lutheran, and through playing piano for the worship team, I got pretty familiar with Pastor Arndt. The Arndt's had SOO many kids. I think there are eight to be exact. Now when you are one of eight it is pretty hard to stand out and become recognized for something other than being "one of the Arndt kids". Well Pastor Arndt eventually felt called to another church and moved his family to Alabama. Over the years one of the "Little Blonde Pastor's Daughters" grew taller and taller. She became more and more beautiful, and by the time she was 15, was hearing again and again,"You should be a model." After hearing this for a long time, she and her family started to wonder. Classmate and Model ,Claire Burkolts, showed photos of Michaela to Beth Boldt, a former Ford model and head of the Synchro model agency-the mother agent of Kate moss, Naomie Campbell, and Ashton Kutcher- by whom Michaela was officially discovered. When that many people tell you to be a model, maybe you should start to believe them. She was immediately signed to Elite New York's Development division, and the ball only kept rolling from there. When I talked to her dad he said "Michaela didn't pursue modeling, modeling chased her down and tackled her!" She has been to New York, Japan, and is on her way to New Zealand and Australia in less than a month where she is signed with one of New Zealand's finest modeling agencies, NOVA Models. I keep in contact with Michaela regularly regarding her modeling career, and I hear things from her that are common to every young and developing model in the fashion industry. The distance becomes terribly difficult, missing family and friends becomes nearly unbearable, and THE SHOES! THE DAMN SHOES WILL KILL YOU. I was talking with Michaela while she was in Japan, and she told me she had walked in heels for 8 hours straight and her feet were numb and blistered from an entire day of work. So yes, she has expressed how difficult it has been, for many different reasons, but the thing I try to continually remind her is that people would KILL to be in her position. She is gorgeous beyond measure, she has an undoubtable presence in front of the camera, and she was given all of these gifts for a reason. I encourage her, each time I talk with her, to realize the opportunity she has been given, and how amazing all of these things will be to look back on in 20 years. She has modeled in photo shoots with prestigious photographers, such as Steven Meisel, and I explain to her all the time how incredible her story is. Michaela is heading off to New Zealand in less than a month, and I cannot wait to keep in contact with her to see where her bright future will lead her. She has had some ups and downs, and been through some pretty difficult things throughout the last year, but through it all I think she is becoming a much stronger young woman. There is no doubt that she will go places. She has a unique beauty and strong presence for such a young age. I only wish her the best on her journey through the industry, and look forward to turning the pages of Vogue to see "The Little Blonde Pastor's Daughter" staring back at me.

Taylor O'Brien, The Writer.

So I think that I'm going to make it a Monday tradition to post some of my writing, either writings from the past or the present. Hopefully you will enjoy reading what I have to share. My style is pretty casual, forward, and informal. Enjoy.

"Chances Are It's Temporary, Embrace It"
---I’m drinking a sierra mist and eating some sun chips. Sitting at work. Doing absolutely nothing once again. **wipes cheesy fingers on pants** anyways, I think I’ll write to pass some time once again. I was talking to Sara last night over a fine piece of cancer, and she brought something to my mind that I had never thought about before. Now it’s not anything amazing or inspiring, but just one of those things that makes you stop and think…hmmm, I never thought about that. She asked “ Do you ever wonder how many random strangers you have seen twice in your life?” or “Isn’t it weird to think that when you pass a complete stranger, walking, or driving, that you will never see them again before they die?” Now I know that it’s something that is pretty pointless to think about, for the fact that you will never know if you did see them twice, or three, or four times. You will never know. You won’t. But still, it got me thinking**takes a drink of soda**….**chokes on soda**…**Coughs**. Ok that was unnecessary, none of that stuff actually happened in these last two sentences, but I guess it would have been cool if it had.
---Anyway, after thinking about all of the people I have seen, and will not ever see again before they die, I started to think about all of the other things in life I see a time or two before they are dead or I am. Ok I may get a little hippy on you here, but think of a beautiful leaf that you see in the autumn, you see it once, you admire it, and then you walk on and will never see that same leaf ever again. The cloud in the shape of an elephant, yup, it’s gone, and you’ll never see it again. A beautiful sunset. Take it in for all of its glory because you will never see that same exact sunset twice. I’m not even getting into snowflakes, because that’s cliché far beyond the extremely cliché bullshit I already am writing about here. But I think there is something to it. If you think about all of the things in life that you will never have the opportunity to witness again, or all of the people that you pass on a daily basis that you will never have the chance to interact with, I think it creates an appreciation for the temporary and in-the-moment experiences that we have in life. If you know something is provisional, chances are you will take more time to hold onto and embrace it, knowing you will never witness it again.
---Another thing to consider... Live music. Live performance. Anything that falls under the category live is truly momentary. A speech, a sporting event, or a religious experience, all of which are passing and in the moment experiences, should be considered an art that cannot be repeated exactly the same ever again. I was taught that theatre is an art, but not until it is being performed in front of an audience does it truly become an unforgettable art form. The temporary interaction and the relationship between the viewer and the performance are what take a live show to a level far beyond another rehearsal. This brief and momentary witnessing of events should be embraced for all it provides. When witnessing a musical live on Broadway in New York City a few years back, I was so caught up in the night, the newness of it all, that I forgot to really soak up all aspects of the show. I forgot to look beyond the surface aesthetics into the heart of the production. So many times you hear someone being asked, “How was the show” and they a simple response of “good” or “bad”. This is unfortunate.
---This is the same situation with many other aspects of life when being asked to look back on or expand upon. How was your day? Good. How was your trip? Great. But when I ask, How was your life? If I get a simple “good” or “bad” someone will die, seriously. Life is in so many ways a completely temporary and live performance of sorts. So many of life’s occurrences are just like an extremely intricate and detailed monolog, and in front of an audience you have a chance to make a lasting impression and a memorable expression of emotion, or freeze up and fall apart on stage. Life is a single chance, a single opportunity, to make a lasting impression and embrace all of the little and temporary events that make this in the moment experience of life all that it can be. I want to start interacting with life in a way that is yes, temporary and in the moment, but also appreciative and admiring of life and all of its beauty. I want to immerse myself into each new experience and, like a sponge, soak up every last drop of the life I was given. Cliché? Yes. Bullshit? Probably.

Stout Fashion Week Has Officially Ended

It is over. Stout Fashion Week officially came to a close today with two public shows at 1pm and 5pm. It has been a long week for all of the coordinators, designers, and models. Stout Fashion Week began on Tuesday with the student show, and the crowd couldn't have been more pleased. The show had an impressive 80 designers, 200 garments, and 130 models. Studio Classes have been working for months creating their 4 piece clothing lines, and the 20+ Studio designers had some of the most impressive work of the entire show. However, I think there were some underclassman that came in a close second for most impressive. For a small midwestern school, it is quite impressive to see the quality of construction, design, and overall execution. When I was asked to model for two of the designers, I was thrilled. It is nice to be a part of something like the Silhouettes Spring Fashion Show. Being involved gave me many opportunities and allowed me to meet many new people. I had no choice but to get close to the other models considering our literal closeness. If anybody packed 130 models into 500 square feet of backstage space people are bound to learn something about one another. This week, as long and tiring as it was, was a great experience that I look forward to repeating in the future. A special thanks to the designers that cast me: Nick Ipsa and Maria Osenberg. These two have a bright future in the industry and I loved every minute of working with them. Now. I need to get back to a much needed study session with my Art History book. Good Night to all, and good night Stout Fashion Week, until we meet again next year.

I'm Published.

I recently did a photo shoot with a clothing line called The Family Fashion and my photography was published in the latest issue of The Stoutonia. The creator of The Family Fashion, Kyle Wilson, contacted me wanting some photography done for his newest line of baseball caps. I thought this would be an excellent chance to collaborate and bring our two forms of work together. Kyle Wilson is an Apparel Design student here at UW-Stout, as well as a football player, and likes to design clothing for an entire spectrum of customers. His designs are urban inspired and have a cool twist that set them apart from many other clothing lines. The line was created in 2008 by Kyle and his two brothers, Frank and Jason. They started off very small, only printing a few copies of each of their custom T-shirts, and later began to grow as each new design sold out rapidly. The Family Fashion does their best to give back to the community, and other organizations. They donated over $1000 to bring a much needed well to an area that lacked fresh water supply. It was great to work with such a generous brand, and it is neat to see a young company with such mature and generous intentions. Each of the designs is exclusive, and once the design is gone, it's gone forever. This is neat because it keeps the clothing unique, fresh, and current, and you won't have hundreds of other people walking around with the same shirt. I think that The Family Fashion has a bright future, and look forward to working with them again. Heck, when they make it big, I can say I took a couple pictures for their line. Thanks to The Family Fashion for a wonderful opportunity, and I look forward to collaborating again.

Thanks also to Andrew Vogl, Entertainment Editor at The Stoutonia, for an excellent article.

Contact The Family Fashion at: www.thefamilyfashion.com

My Tall, Blonde, and Beautiful Friend Britney

I was walking across campus one warm september morning when a tall blonde girl was approaching me on the sidewalk. I thought about stopping her, but then hesitated. Right before she passed me I said, "Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you, but are you freshman?" She told me that she was not a freshman, and in fact was in graduate school. I went on to ask if she was familiar with the Silhouettes Spring Fashion Show that UW-Stout puts on every year, and she told me that she wasn't. I told her that she would be great as a model, and that many of the designers would love to use her. After all, she was 6 feet tall and 120 pounds if she was lucky. Well she said thank you, and I told her to add me on facebook so I could keep her informed about the show. Right before she was on her way, as if I hadn't creeped her out enough, I said, "And Britney, I'm a photographer, and If you would ever want to do a shoot I would love to use you as a model" Now this poor girl has never met me, she is new to Stout, she is walking alone on the sidewalk, and now some creeper photographer is bugging her about modeling for him, how terrible. Well she was polite regardless, and I was curious to see if she would even add me on facebook, or follow up with me about the fashion show. I went on with my day, wondered here and there, went to class, had a meeting, wrote a paper, and finally at the end of the day made it back to my room. I logged onto facebook to find that Britney had ACTUALLY added me. I was excited. Well the year went on and we kept in touch here and there on facebook, and always talked about "that" shoot that we were supposed to be doing. Well finally, after 7 months we randomly decided that today would be the day we would get together and do "that" shoot. She dropped by around 11:00. I got going on her hair while she finished her make-up, and we talked the entire time. We discovered that my high school Principle and neighbor had left her high school to come to mine. I asked, "Do you know Duane Braun?" and she said, "Mr. Braun, OH MY GOSH, I love that guy!" What a small world. When she was finally ready it was time to start shooting. We went to a couple different places around Menomonie. I made her crawl over a fence, and onto a railroad bridge 30 feet above the water wearing 6 inch stilettos. She didn't complain one time. She was sweet, appreciative, and excited to be out enjoying the great weather and fun time. It was refreshing to see a girl that beautiful who was not high maintenance or arrogant. Britney didn't judge me, she didn't doubt me, she was honest, respectful, and even though she was older, treated me like an equal. It was a great day. Well after we finished our shoot, we weren't done for the day. You see, I have this friend that graduated from fashion design school last year, and she asked me if I would model in a couple photos for her website. The shoot was actually going on today as well, so I asked the designer if I could bring Britney along for an extra model incase she needed more girls. I told the Designer I had a beautiful tall blonde friend that could pose her butt off, and would be great to work with. Well we got to the studio a little late, so some of the other models were already there. I knocked on the studio door and it opened slowly to show my friend, a couple assistants, and a couple other models standing around. I could have sworn that none of them even saw me. You would have sworn that Marilyn Monroe herself had entered the room. What I'm saying is, the designer loved her, the other models were probably jealous, and I, yeah I was chop liver. No that part was a joke, but the designer did love her. It seemed like every outfit Britney slipped into fit her like a glove, and her photographs came out beautifully. It was fun to watch her in that atmosphere, she seemed so comfortable, so professional. The other girls were good, but she stood out among the rest. I saw one of the ladies standing by as an assistant to the designer pull Britney aside and take down her contact information because she wanted to use her in a shoot coming up this next weekend. I was so proud that my random friend who the designer agreed to let me bring without even seeing, turned out to be such a great addition to the photo shoot. When I stopped Britney in September she seemed shy and reserved, but she had this presence about her. She was beautiful, but her beauty appeared to be coming from somewhere other than just the surface. She seemed to have depth. When I asked her a bunch of questions about modeling in September, she was quiet, and gave simple responses. Well now that we know each other more, she has informed me that she has more of a past in modeling than she had exposed at our first meeting. This girl was signed with Elite Chicago, she has been in runway shows in New York and Chicago, and she was in an issue of Teen Vogue a few years back. When she met me in September she could have laughed at me, told me that she wouldn't waste her time at a silly fashion show, and would never think about shooting with such an amateur photography like myself. But instead, she did get back to me, she is walking for the maximum number of designers possible in the Spring Fashion Show, and gave me some amazing shots for my portfolio and her own. It is so refreshing that there is still a beautiful girl in the world who is modest, respectful, and down to earth. Is she too modest? Maybe. Is she crazy beautiful. Definitely.

Inspiration

I am creating this blog, not only for my own personal fulfillment, but also to share inspiration with others. I think to grow as humans, artists, or designers, we need to interact and collaborate in thought and creativity. I will share things that I find inspiring. I will share words of inspiration, sometimes my own, sometimes others. I will share work that inspires me, or that I think may inspire others, sometimes my own, sometimes not. I look forward to growing and learning with you and following your progress as well as mine as an artist and individual. Writing and recollecting have a funny way of developing a strong growth in character and experience. I am excited to learn and maybe share something with others.