End of the Summer

----A couple of weeks ago I tried to write down some things in regards to my summer. Some things I had learned, experiences that I’ve had, and things that I look forward to in the coming fall. Throughout the half an hour that I spent writing I realized very quickly just how rusty my writing had become. It has been some time, prior to last week, since I had sat down, just me and my computer, to write about things that are relevant to my present life. Let me say this, as I sat down , opened up Microsoft word, and began to sort through the recollections of my quickly passing summer, it became hard for me to put things into logical order. It was difficult for me to remember the things that were relevant, the things that were not, the things I desired to share, and the things that I most definitely did not. It’s funny what taking a moment to stop and think will do to you. It almost scares you into not wanting to go to “that” place very often, but then again, it is an excellent way to place yourself into the world that you think you are living in, and the world that you are actually a part of. There are a few things that I have learned this summer, from may to august, that I find pretty damn important. And here they are.
----If you desire to be good at something, practice it daily, think about it often, or utilize the talent you have before it slips away. Writing. It is something that I truly adore. I enjoy writing on so many levels. The simple fact that writing is me, the computer, the fresh air (or not so fresh air…smoking) and the endless capacity of my mind to fill a page with text completely fascinates me. The idea that is so amazing about writing is that I can put 26 letters into a particular order, insert spaces, punctuation and emotion, and take you to a place that can be accurately representative to my present state of mind. Writing can be about things present, but also about things so completely in the past. I can take you to yesterday through writing, describing my day, the friends I spent time with, the drinks that I consumed, or the number of cigarettes I smoked. Or in a very different mood, I can take you back ten years, to the feelings and emotions that I was experiencing at that time in my life. That, to me, is what is so intriguing to me about writing. With this summer I have realized that without practice, my writing has gone to shit. Now I don’t know if it’s my writing, or any form of activity that uses the certain side of my brain that has been ignored for the last three months, but it is clear that I am losing my touch, and I don’t like that feeling. School will definitely be interesting this fall, and I am dreading the day I receive my first writing assignment, or sit down to tutor in the writing center and realized that I can’t remember if I capitalize the first word of a sentence, or the last…..anyways. Wow, it has been a LONG summer and this simple act of putting letters and words into a certain order is something that I have truly missed.
----People are innately good. Now yes, I’m getting a little Oprah on you here, but I believe this to be very true. I have had some pretty awesome experiences this summer through my work as a photographer. No matter where my camera and me end up, the people around me are amazingly generous, so very appreciative, and beautifully moved by the simple act of pressing a button that opens a shutter and captures a moment. There is something about a person in a photograph that brings out the best in them, or the worst, but that reality and truth is what makes photography so moving. These moving moments of time then become the still captures, which are the art of photography that make people so deeply vulnerable. I think that people realize that through all of the not so attractive vulnerability, and my ability to capture them in the essence of the beautiful person that they truly are, makes them so truly grateful. It is pretty neat, the job I have, the people I get to work with, and the experiences I am able to be a part of.
----So I head back to Stout this fall with a different view on the people that fill this world. Now yes, there are some terrible ones, Hitler, Satan, and Grant O’Brien to name a few. But for the most part, people are pretty awesome creatures, whom if given the chance, can fill your life with joy and happiness. I want to find a way to meet more people, learn about the things that make them tick, and the things that drive them crazy, and then, through my findings, make the lives of others better today than they were yesterday. A big stretch, of course, but what’s the point of living if you aren’t going to fill the day with things that make you happy, and the simple things that can make the lives of others so much better. Oh god, that sounds so terribly and annoyingly obvious, but honestly, do I give a shit, hell no. Take me for what I am, and the things that are important to me, or leave me. And whether my writing this year will improve, or fails miserably, I look to do it with an honesty and truthfulness that make me as vulnerable as those I have photographed this summer. Vulnerability is humility. Hell, if you’ve got it all together, life is boring as hell, and taking pictures of you is WAY to easy. Cliché? Yes. Bullshit. If you think so.

Summer 2010

----With only a month left of my summer, and months of absence, I found it necessary to bring a little life back to my blog. In all honesty, I have been busy. Photography has taken up the majority of my summer, and some of the most amazing things have come out of the hobby that I am now calling my summer job. I have had the opportunity to work with some amazing people and travel to beautiful locations just because of the simple fact that I enjoy photography and catching memories for others. Montana was one of the most amazing and unforgettable experiences I have ever had, and this chance of a lifetime gave me beautiful photos, many new friends, and the opportunity to shoot a wedding in Canada next summer!
----I can tell through simply writing one paragraph of text that I have completely lost my touch as a writer. You see, there was a time last year when I was posting monthly, weekly, even daily. Well, with summer, that persistence went out the window, and the beer drinking came on a little too strong. I have had fun, too much fun, and I am not apologizing for my absence, simply making numerous excuses, most of them bullshit, as to why I have been away.
----Summer 2010 has been great. No lies there. I have spent time with awesome friends, learned a little about myself, and taken some pretty kick-ass photos! I drank some beer, some wine, some mixers. I sat around a campfire, or 50. I had good talks with the people that are close to me. I drove up north to sell sweet corn. I milked some cows. I had a reunion with a friend that had been away for 6 months. I have, I have, I have. I did a lot this summer, and there is still a month left. My brother will be married before summer 2010 is done and over with, and I cannot wait for that day. Alyssa is a great girl, and they will be so perfect for each other.
----So, it has been fun, it will be fun, and the memories of Summer 2010 will probably be with me for some time to come. What has this blog post shown me? It has shown me that my writing has gone to shit, my thought processes are completely f*cked, and that the thought of writing a paper this fall scares the SHIT out of me. So what do I do now? Well, I think a good place start would be putting down the beer, begin to hopefully regenerate some of the many destroyed brain cells, and start to write more. Why? Because I miss writing. I miss thinking. I miss making my mind work a little more than it does on a daily basis, which isn't much. I'll be back to school soon, and writing will no longer be optional. So why not write while it's leisure, write while it's fun, and write for the sake of writing. Cliche? Yes. Bullshit? Maybe.

Embrace the moment, It will be gone before you know it.

There are times I look through my old folders of photos, and every now and then I find an image that I forgot I had taken. Today was one of those times, and I found a photo of two people, two horses, and a dog, wandering down the dead-end road to home. I enjoyed something about the photo. I think it was the soft light from a late summer afternoon, and the solitude and intimacy of the scene. I grabbed the photo, took it into photoshop, and an idea came to me.
We are living in a time of such rapid change. Technology is rapidly developing, and it seems the newest gadget lasts for a month, and then there is something better. We drive down a back country road and see beautiful scenery. We take a walk through the woods by way of a rustic dirt trail. We love discovering things never seen, turning over a fallen leaf to discover a beautiful may flower hiding beneath. All of these beautiful experience are ones that we take for granted daily. Every place in the world, where a sky scraper stands, was once a desolate and undiscovered land. Every place where an eight lane highway leads traffic to and from, was possibly a quiet prairie filled with wild flowers. It is scary to think that the beautiful farm land where this photo was taken may one day be covered with asphalt and steel. Small town farms are permanently shutting down because they cannot compete with the large scale farms that milk thousands of cows. Barns and outbuildings are rapidly decaying because their upkeep is far to expensive for the average farmer to afford. It is sad that many of the signature big red barns of the dairy land will be lost forever.
Embrace each quiet moment. Life is far too noisy to pass up the calm and beautiful things.

Lacking Inspiration? I'd Say So.

Wow, I bet you thought I was gone. It has been WAY too long, and I had to dust off my keyboard before I started typing. Want an excuse? Shitty or not, it is finals week, and I'm starting to feel a semester's worth of procrastination following close behind, about to catch up to me and kick my ass. I think this amount of stress is doing one, and one thing only, making me long to be home. I am so ready to be done with the semester, and headed homeward. Soon enough I will be back, and relaxing in front of a bon fire, playing volleyball, and spending each and every day with the people I love most. My family means the world to me, my friends are amazing, and that place is the only one in the world I can count on being there when my hardest days have passed. I have a song I want to share with everyone. "Turning Home" by David Nail is the song, and I love the lyrics, the message, and the feeling that listening to it gives me. Enjoy. I apologize for the terribly short post, but let's get serious, it's finals and I'm tired.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPmjri35cBM

It's Monday. You know what that means. Taylor O'Brien: The Writer.

"Thoughts on Death"
---So I guess I could write. I have nothing better to do on Sunday afternoon, and quite honestly, the thought of homework is tucked way into the back of my mind. I was riding back to stout with one of my close friends Liz and we got to talking. Now this might sound depressing, but we got on the subject of our closest loved ones, and what it would be like to say goodbye to them in their last moments on Earth. Death. It is a touchy subject for a lot of people, and the thought of never taking another breath, never feeling, never seeing, never embracing again, is a scary thought. Discussing death only makes the reality of our mortality more and more evident.
---It doesn’t matter who you are, what you believe, where you think you will go when you die, or how you cross from life to death, the fact is we are all human and will leave this Earth sooner or later. Some think there is a life in heaven or hell, which will last for an eternity of righteousness, or an eternity of fiery doom. Some think that they will return to this earth as another living being, based on their actions, perhaps as a powerful predator, or vulnerable prey. Some believe there is nothing after their last breath has been drawn and exhaled, and the greatest extent of their being will be carried out here on earth. Regardless of ones beliefs, our lives will end, and what happens after that is an eternal mystery based on faith and personal belief.
---We drove, from Minnesota to Wisconsin, Liz and me, and discussed our feelings about death. We talked about saying goodbye, one last hug, one last sentiment, one last farewell, and to tell the truth, it scares the shit out of us. Neither of us was ready to even think about the day we tell our parents goodbye, let alone think about our own final days on earth. What will it feel like? How does one even begin to put the thought of eternal life or eternal death into perspective? Will our closest loved ones live long and healthy lives, or will they be taken before their time. Will we have the chance to say goodbye, or will they be gone before we can tell them how we truly feel?
---When we made it back to Stout Lizzy was off to work, and I was left with a quiet Sunday, with nothing to do but think and reflect on the feelings that the thought of death bring to me. It’s interesting to have minutes upon minutes, hours upon hours, and days upon days that are wasted, without ever stepping back and really embracing the thought of our mortality. We both agreed that each time we return home, each time we see a new wrinkle on mom’s face, a new characteristic of age exposing itself in the form of our dads’ growing beer bellies, that we truly start to see age taking its toll on those who brought us into this world. It’s and truly humbling feeling nonetheless.
---To many, aging is the most terrible thought in the world. But what’s so bad about it? Growing old with those you love, expanding your knowledge and wisdom with each passing year, and building a vast collection of memories doesn’t sound so bad to me. Now sure, you will get some crows feet or some laugh lines, your hair will thin and recede, things will sag and not look like they did ten or twenty years before, but quite honestly that is just part of growing old. These things are what happens to everything that is alive. We age. It is supposed to be that way. Besides, would a life everlasting, here on earth, be that great?
---There is a cemetery on an island in the middle of a lake here in Menomonie that we sometimes drive out to, mainly because it’s a damn cool cemetery, but also because it puts life into perspective. That island, there in the middle of the lake, is covered with headstones. All of the people buried on that peaceful and serene island all lived a life filled with these same questions about death. All feared the day that would bring them to their eternal resting place. It happens. We will die, all of us, and regardless of what we accomplished, how much money we made, who we knew, what we did to pass our Sunday afternoons, we will all leave the earth. Some of them were ready to go, and the dates on their tombstones made evident a life of longevity. For some, on the other hand, the dates on the tombstone made it clear that they were taken before there time, whatever that may mean.
---Our loved ones will be gone, we will be gone, and all of those born before and after us, will spiritually leave the earth as well. Death. Why is it so scary? After all, if we live a life surrounded by those most important to us, if those closest to us know how we feel about them, and if we take the time to prepare ourselves for the deaths of our loved ones and our own, then what is there to be so afraid of? I think about my Dad. I have wasted so many years with him because of a resentful anger. The last five or six years cannot be looked back on as memorable, they cannot be looked back on with thoughts of happiness and growth, they cannot be placed into the section of my memory that I wish to appreciatively reflect upon and embrace. But the saddest thing, though, is that those wasted moments cannot be relived. I can’t just simply rewind my VHS of life and press re-record. Those years are gone, and to tell the honest truth, it breaks my heart to know that because of resentment, I have wasted a large portion of the time that my Dad and me have had to share with one another.
---With the remainder of my life I look to value the real importance and reality of the temporariness that our existence on earth truly is. Resentment, holding anger, holding onto wrongful actions of others and our own is entirely wasteful. I am twenty years old, and if I am lucky, well over a quarter way through my life. Death. It is real and true, and will one day take our loved ones, or ourselves, out of this world forever. Tell someone that you love how much they mean to you. Give your mom, dad, brothers, sister, grandparents, aunts, uncles, best friends, a true understanding of exactly how important they are and how much they contributed to the life that is your own. Give your dad a big hug when you feel the urge. Give your mom a kiss on the cheek when it feels right. Write your brother or sister, or best friend a letter on a rainy afternoon to tell them how much you love them. I don’t want to wait anymore. What is the point? After all is said and done, and I draw my last breath in, and exhale it out, if I haven’t embraced and appreciated my chance at life, what is the point of having been given this great opportunity to truly live. Cliché? Yes. Bullshit? Maybe.

---As I finished this and was about to press publish, the song "When I Get Where I'm Going" by Brad Paisley came on. It's cool how life works sometimes. Listen to it. Even if you hate country, the message is a good one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YMLmlHfehQ

Married in May

I had the privilege of shooting Eric and Mallory Juntunen’s wedding yesterday in Fridley, MN. After a great afternoon of shooting, I wanted to post a couple shots. The couple was amazing to work with, and without even seeing their photos, gave me an incredibly generous tip. I have had a couple of weddings with eventful little surprises, and I’m glad to say I have another story to add to my growing repertoire. Before the wedding began, Mallory was saying she felt a little faint, so the maid of honor was quick to her side with a sandwich and glass of water. The ceremony began, everyone was in their place, and the vows were well under way. From the back I could see Mallory swaying side to side, I could see her mouth moving saying, “I’m so warm, I’m so warm.” She stumbled forward quickly, about to fall to the floor, when her dad jumped up from the first row and caught her. She was taken out of the chapel, and into the back to cool down (I think someone forgot to flip the air conditioner switch to ON). As she was taken out the back, it was the funny to see the upright bass and piano player look to each, and immediately jump right into Canon in D (nice save guys). A brief ten-minute intermission was all it took, and the wedding was back underway. One more walk up the isle with Father and Daughter, this time with a thunderous applause, and another chance at some photos I may have missed, thanks Mal! The vows were finished, the highly anticipated presentation of the couple was given, and the wedding was done with only one small bump in the road. You could see a sincere joy and happiness in all who attended, and more importantly a radiant excitement in the eyes of both Mallory and Eric. After the ceremony, dinner was served, and I was lucky enough to enjoy the delicious meal, not to mention the –to die for- vanilla and cream cheese wedding cake. There was genuine love in the eyes of both the bride and groom throughout the entire day and into the night. Every time the silver clanked against the champagne glass, the couple rose to the occasion, and treated their family and friends with a big ol’ kiss on the lips. Everyone in attendance was truly happy for the couple, and it was clear that they will have an amazing life together. I am greatly appreciative for their kindness and hospitality, as well as the opportunity to give them some beautiful memories in the form of photograph. The wedding was small, intimate, and clearly enjoyed by everyone in attendance, and was an honor and privilege to photograph.

The Ashes of My Burning Relationship.

We had been together before, but I promised myself that I would never see you again for the rest of my life. You only brought me pain, you were controlling, and worst of all you brought me anxiety and uneasiness when we were apart. I was far too reliant on you. I needed you every day or I could not be myself. I told you I was done, for the rest of my life, never to return to you again. But sadly, I Failed. This last summer I was at a party, and we were both invited. I saw you, and wanted nothing more than to walk up to you and kiss you for two or three minutes. It happened, all it took was for you to touch my lips again, and I wanted nothing more than for you to be in my life once again. After that party we saw each other every day for ten months. Each day I would wake up next to you and we would take long walks together. You would meet me between classes and we would embrace for a few minutes and then be on our ways. We would go out every night to dinner, or to a party, and it was the same each time. You would comfort me, put me at ease, keep me relaxed, but if I lost sight of you for more than a couple hours, I would panic and run to find you. I was needy, I was reliant, I was hooked on everything you were about, and no one else could make me feel the way you did. My family hated that we were together, they did not support our relationship, and wanted nothing more than for me to cut my ties with you. I thought long and hard about my life without you, never seeing you, not holding you and feeling your comforting qualities. Never again would I kiss you sweetly, and never again would I have someone with me every day, all day. It was a difficult decision, but my family means more to me than my relationship. After all, friends and relationships come and go, but family is forever. I made my sister a promise that on her birthday I would break up with you, and that i would never speak to you again. It has been a month since I ended things, but I still go behind my friend's and family's backs to see you. I occasionally leave my dorm for a few minutes at night to run to your comforting kiss. There are times when I am somewhere that reminds me of you, so I call you to meet me, and we are together again, even if it's only for a minute. These temporary moments together help me through the difficult break up. I'm not sure how long it will last, my deeply routed connection to you, but I hope that one day I can stand on my own. I don't need you. I don't want you. You are not good for me, and every time I am with you I am only brought deeper and deeper into an addicting desire. We will be done for good someday, and that will be the best day of my life. Cigarettes. Fuck You!